A shorter story (jrm_gwm, 2011)

Here's the first piece I wrote for my Open Uni course. This didn't have to be a self-contained story, since the word count was fairly low, but I made into one anyway. It's not quite as polished as the last piece as I'd barely even started the course.

‘Breathless’

A short story (jrm_gwm, 2012)

Here's something different from my usual reviews of other people's movies, books and plays, a short story I wrote for my Open University creative writing course. I hope you enjoy it (Click the title).

The Truth is Out There 

The Jester (James Patterson & Andrew Gross, 2003)

basics...
Hugh DeLuc, an 11th century inn-keeper, finds himself caught up in the Crusades and in possession of a historical relic that unscrupulous nobles will stop at nothing to acquire. Hugh's wife and son are captured and so he learns the jester's trade to infiltrate the castle of his lord to find his love in a plot that sees him leading a revolt against the upper classes.

brilliant...
I haven't read any James Patterson for a while. I enjoyed his exciting Alex Cross detective thrillers but I went off him when he started churning out books that were written in partnership with other people. This is the first such book I've read of his, co-written with Andrew Gross, and while it keeps the short chapter-structure and punchy, non-stop plotting the setting is very different. The characters do talk like they've been transplanted from the twenty-first century and there is a lot of blood, sex and action - Labyrinth this ain't - so it's an exciting ride that barely pauses for breath. It is quite refreshing to read something set in the past that doesn't fawn or pander to a languid exploration of the period and just cracks on with plot, plot and more plot. 

but...
Some of the plot is fairly predictable, and the revelation containing Hugh's love interest, Emilie, and her parentage comes as no surprise to anyone who's ever read a book before. Characters are introduced and dispatched in breathtakingly short spells, in often ridiculously short chapters. Dan Brown managed to mix excitement with (some) character-development, this latter isn't much of a concern for Patterson and Gross. It is interesting that I read The Jester during the same week I watched G-Force, as Patterson and Bruckheimer share a sensationalist streak that sometimes means subtly suffers, or vanishes altogether. 

briefly...
Exciting, plot-driven thrills from a skilled writer (and friend) that I will forget almost as quickly as I read it. A passing pleasure with no lasting impression. 

G-Force (2009)

basics...
From the sublime Inside Men to the ridiculous G-Force... A Disney/Jerry Bruckheimer production that sees Zach Galifianakis (wow, spelled that right on my first guess!) as an FBI bod in charge of a crack squad of talking guinea pigs, who are out to prove their worth by investigating Bill Nighy's tech-mogul's plot to take over the world. Or something.

brilliant...
G-Force has a good set up and delivers a lot of wham-bam special effects, chase sequences and flashy CGI that would no doubt keep kids entertained for hours. There are also quite a few references to more adult films that are enjoyable and helped to keep my attention away from the films flaws. I particularly liked the line 'Yippee-ki-ay coffee maker!', a Die Hard reference that none of the film's target audience should know.

but...

The sad thing about G-Force is that it never really lives up to the fun-sounding premise that guinea pig spies might suggest. There's not enough fun to be had with the fact that these are guinea pigs! The film takes itself a tad too seriously - Galifianakis is basically a straight man to some ok-CGI lumps of fluff with impressive voices (Nic Cage, Sam Rockwell, Jon Favreau, Penélope Cruz, Steve Buscemi and Tracy Morgan) but a weak script, by something called 'The Wibberleys'. That credit explained a lot... The plot - the mole is actually a mole in the ranks and plans to wipe out humanity through killer kitchen utensils - is silly and there are plot holes and contrivances galore. It seems churlish to say that about what is clearly a kids movie, but there should be so much more to this thing that special effects, shouldn't there? I don't think it's a big ask for a tighter script and less clunking scenes like the one in which Galifianakis suddenly decides to tell the little spies he got them from a pet shop

briefly...
G-Force left me annoyed at the squandered potential that a film featuring spy-fi rodents and this cast might imply.

Inside Men (2012)

basics...
A four-part drama that follows the aftermath and planning of a robbery on a counting house, seen through the eyes of 3 inside men, employees who for various reasons decide that they can pull off the perfect crime.

brilliant...
I've not been able to get this incredible drama out of my head since I saw it last weekend. Not quite as stylishly cool as last year's peerless The Shadow Line, Inside Men was still top-class entertainment from beginning to end. Opening with the heist in progress, motives unclear, with no idea of who was who, the story then flashed back to a time preceding the planning of the assault and slowly, like the over-used metaphorical onion, the layers of the plot were teased out. Steven Mackintosh's counting house boss was a work of sublime beauty. His performance made me shiver, and the character's terrifiying motives and manipulative skill was a joy to behold. Mackintosh was ably supported by Ashley Walters as a security guard with a conscience and Warren Brown as the brash employee who dares to steal from Mackintosh's meticulous manager in the first place, sparking off the plan to take every last note from the place. Spooks' Nicola Walker and Kierston Waring (last seen in Top Boy with Walters) were excellent as, respectively, Mackintosh's unwitting wife and Brown's complicit partner. The flashback/forward style was used perfectly, in fact I'm not sure I've seen this technique used so well in a drama before - always breaking at just the right moment to make me desparate to get back to the time-stream to see what happens next, but I'm made to wait as even more exciting drama unfolds in the present. Not a single predictable moment, Inside Men held me gripped every minute. It's dramas like this that justify the BBC licence fee!

briefly...
Astonishingly assured acting, writing and directing from all involved. This is the high watermark for 2012's crop of mini-series dramas. 

The Know-It-All (A.J. Jacobs, 2004)

basics...
The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World is a very funny, informative account of A.J. Jacob's self-imposed quest to read the entire 33 volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica. 

brilliant...
A quirky concept, the book is broken down into chapters by letter, and further fragmented into sections headed by a specific Britannica topic. Jacobs relates interesting, shocking or amusing anecdotes from the revered tomes and provides commentary on his experience of reading every single entry across 33,000 pages. It's a mammoth task, and although he rarely wavers, there are moments when he questions what exactly he's getting out of it - is he learning more, does he remember what he has read, is it all futile? It's a funny journey and one that I enjoyed sharing. More than just a collection of facts, The Know-It-All provides an insight into the author's life as a journalist living in New York post-9/11, and we follow his growing relationship with his super-brainy father, and his wife's attempts to get pregnant. Jacobs joins Mensa and tries to use his new knowledge to win big on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire, as well as impressing/irritating friends and family with facts about obscure Latvian villages or ancient customs. I've retained little of the knowledge I gleaned from Jacob's watered-down version of the Britannica, but as with the author, I think I learned more from the human stories, about the quest for knowledge and how it is not an end in itself.

briefly...
Warm and witty, fact-packed and teeming with humanity too, The Know-It-All is a treasure trove of unexpected pleasures.

Top Girls (WYP, 03/03/12)

basics...
Another volunteer placement at the Playhouse, with Andrew joining me in the audience. Top Girls is a feminist play in three acts, with an all-female cast playing various characters. Act 1 sees Marlene, an 80's business-woman, at a dinner party with female historical figures, including Pope Joan. Act 2 begins with a scene involving Marlene's simple niece, and continues at the central character's recruitment agency, where Angie turns up looking for help from her cool aunt. Finally, Act 3 flashes back a year to Marlene's visit with her sister and her first meeting with Angie in years.

brilliant...
The best thing about Top Girls was the opening act. It's odd and there's no explanation for why these 6 women find themselves chatting round the dinner table. Each shares some experiences of being a woman at the time they were alive, and the overlapping dialogue makes what is a fairly static scene come alive. There's humour too, mainly in the portrayal of Dull Gret, a simple woman from the Dark Ages who steals the cutlery and bread. Pope Joan's a hoot too, and her story is interesting, as is that of Lady Nijo, a geisha who seems to compete for how hard her life was with rather boring Izabella Bird. The cast and the staging were superb.

but...
If the whole play had carried on like the first Act, even with little plot development, then I would have been happy. Unfortunately when the story became less quirky and moved away from fantasy dinners my interest flagged. I really didn't understand what the whole thing was supposed to be saying. The random sequencing of the acts and the dull story of Marlene and her simple niece were obtuse to the point of boring. I'm sure there are better ways to explore the suffering of women than in this round-the-houses, need-to-study-the-text-in-depth-to-understand-it sort of play. 

briefly...
Aside from an inventive and memorable first act, Top Girls was too obscure in its feminist energies to work as a good piece of theatre.